At about this time every year, Mrs Storycast and I sit down to binge as many daft Christmas movies as Netflix can offer us. This year, I thought I’d give reviewing them a go. These aren’t going to be serious movie reviews, because, frankly, I’m judging these movies on a whole other scale. Quality here is not must-see-at-cinema quality. Still, there is fun to be had in their own way.
A Christmas Prince
Amber is an editor at a magazine looking for her first writing credit, who poses as a tutor to gain access to the castle and get the scoop on the wayward Prince Richard.
Blond ambition: Perky young journalist with heart of gold has hair to match.
Power of the press: Undercover journalism puts romance on the rocks.
It’s a kind of magic: No magic, but a drawer, and an acorn conceal a secret. So that’s a bit like magic?
Time Limits: The Prince must be crowned on Christmas Eve, of course
The Christmas Factor: Snow, gifts, parties, a Christmas message
Once Upon a Holiday
A princess, Katie, gets lost in New York, meets a builder, Jack, romance ensues. They visit an art gallery. Jack used to be Billy in Battlestar Galactica, which isn’t relevant to this film.
Blond ambition: The princess is suspiciously brunette. Is this really a Christmas movie at all?
Power of the press: A journalist finds out who Katie is, prompting her to return home
It’s a kind of magic: One of Jack’s friends has a magic shop, including a cupboard that disappears princesses and journalists to different places
Time Limits: Katie needs to return to go back to her life before the Christmas Eve Ball or… it would be disappointing?
The Christmas Factor: Christmas market, a bit of snow
Kayla is falling out of love with her narcissistic fiancé Dustin, meets their caterer Carlton, falls in love. Also, there’s possibly a magic elevator? People talk about the Nutcracker a lot. Also, there’s a subplot about a dog pound. What did I just watch?
Blond ambition: Kayla is, of course, blond
Power of the press: No press on show here, but Kayla wants to write a book about some guy who carved a Nutcracker in the shape of a toy soldier, because he’d been married fifty years and “must have some stories!”
It’s a kind of magic: There may be a magic Santa, the elevator is probably magical too. What did I just watch?
Time Limits: The big engagement party, Dustin’s opening night too. But none of it matters as the movie messes up its own time lines so much. What did I just watch?
The Christmas Factor: Santa, mistletoe
Rating: * What did I just watch?
Angel of Christmas
Susan is an editor at a magazine looking for her first writing credit (wait, that sounds familiar), and volunteers to write a big Christmas article, despite not being into Christmas. She is torn between two men in her life, artist Brady, and salesman Derek. There’s an Angel carved by a great grandparent that she decides to base her story on. Also, Derek was Helo in Battlestar Galactica.
Blond ambition: Susan is blond, and so was the actress who is not her great grandmother. Brady is kind of blond too.
Power of the press: No secret journalism here, but Susan’s obsession with her career is a problem
It’s a kind of magic: The statue of the angel is magical, but as far as I can tell has no reason to be.
Time Limits: Susan’s article is due by… wait, really, Christmas Eve
The Christmas Factor: Snow, gifts, Santa, parties
How Sarah got her Wings
Sarah is run over by a bus and isn’t on the list for heaven, she’s sent back as an angel to try an fix what went wrong, and helps her ex Jordan get together with his new girlfriend Amanda. Ultimately, though, none of it matters.
Blond ambition: Sarah is very blond, Jordan is quite blond. Amanda is not.
Power of the press: No journalists here
It’s a kind of magic: Sarah has a range of magical abilities as an angel
Time Limits: Sarah only has until… Christmas Eve to fix things! Gosh!
The Christmas Factor: Christmas trees, a carol service
Spoilers: This was on for a higher rating, I was quite enjoying it as frothy nonsense, until in the last five minutes, the entire movie is undone when Sarah is sent back in time and never dies. Do Jordan and Amanda end up together in the new time-line? We don’t know! Despite spending most of the movie worrying about it, and getting all warm and gooey about it working out for them. Now that Sarah didn’t die, we don’t even know if Jordan meets Amanda!